“Help! My boss wants to be my my friend on Facebook” was exactly the text message I received from someone close to me early last week.
Career Limiting Move or A Platform To Build A Great Relationship?
This young member of the Gen Y generation recently joined the workforce –and was experiencing the pain as personal and professional lives collide. While some may laugh at the notion, first understand that Generation Y may share their most intimate of details on Facebook, from what they love and hate, who they love and hate, photos from last Saturday night to where they’re going tonight –it’s more of an online diary.
Don’t scoff at this situation, on this Web Strategy Blog we discuss how corporations can benefit from new technologies (like social) and know that employees will use them –often in the context of the workplace, this is just one instance of a particularly real issue. What’s at stake? Building a long term relationship with your boss –or sending the right or wrong message about your ability to be a worker (update: like this one link via William). We were successfully able to wade through the situation, but first, let’s list out all the options available to you when this situation happens:
Contingency Planning: So Your Boss Wants To Friend You On Facebook
1) Do nothing. Simply ignore the request and hope it goes away, it sends a message: one of inability to communicate or not follow through.
2) Deny them. Suggest this isn’t how you want to communicate with them, with a message like “Sorry but Facebook is just for my family and friends” and risk alienating a relationship you could grow.
3) Add them and expose them to your entire life. Adding one’s boss may be easy as a single click, but exposing them to their steamy private life could be detrimental to one’s career.
4) Redirect to LinkedIn. Suggesting that you want to keep professional relationships professional and they go in LinkedIn is a fine idea. But snubbing them could be a career limiting move saying you don’t want to be in an engaging relationship –or worse yet: you’ve something to hide.
5) Use Facebook permission features and filter. Although clunky and hard to figure out for most, users of Facebook can create groups (like one for colleagues) and allow them to only see certain types of information.
What Did We Do? Our Solution: The best course of action was number 5. I had this individual create a separate group for work, and tag it the name of their company. They then filtered what information that could be seen, of course, only professional related content void of those party pics from last week. For the test they added me to this group and I confirmed it was only a limited view. This individual then granted admission to their curious boss to Facebook –preserving the relationship. In addition, I encouraged the individual to send a LinkedIn request –nothing like granting one’s request –and offering to grow it in yet another area.
What You Should Do: While it’s going to take time to setup, invest your time wisely and use Facebook’s group features from the start. Everyone you add should be segmented into the right bucket so you can easily control who sees what of your life. Also, set some guidelines of comfort where the line is for you, for some, putting colleagues into LinkedIn is the only place that it’s appropriate as Facebook could be for work alone. See how to create and manage groups, manage privacy, and other advanced privacy features.
You A Boss? First, Think It Through. A manager should first be sensitive to the relationship they have with their subordinates, you’re in a position of power. Really gauge if your relationship is that of a friend, mentor, or just work related. You may want to leave the offer open to your subordinates –and let them add as their prerogative, rather than forcing them into a potentially awkward situation. If you do feel your relationship is on strong ground, send them a LinkedIn request first, and see if they reciprocate into Facebook. Lastly, be sure to see if your content doesn’t embarrass you in front of your own team –use the filtering features yourself.
Social and Professional Lives Continue To Collide. Social networks technologies are pervasive, they’re creeping into our personal and professional lives. The challenge is finding the separation –and defining the overlap between both. Love to hear your stories of where social tools cross the employee and friend relationships.
knock, knock, knock..
..
um who is it?
..
ah just one second I just need to tidy up ….
Good advice, think it’s time I setup some groupings.
The only proper response in this scenario for any generation is #2: Deny them and explain that you keep Facebook for friends and family only.
Given that we all job hop through our lives, adding bosses could amount to a ridiculous amount of upkeep. I must also confess that the notion of blocking a work superior is a ‘career limiting’ move is deeply disturbing. Our bosses are not our friends, nor should they be. Professional relationships belong on professional social networks.
There are lines between personal life and work life and, however blurry they may get, it’s in everyone’s best interest to keep them very specific in some areas.
I also have two FB accounts, two twitter accounts, two live messenger accounts… I find it the best solution.
Yes, it is not the easiest way, but you could keep your work accounts with very little personal info, and your personal accounts private so you can stay in touch with the people you really want to.
I’m surprised that we haven’t addressed an underlying principle here — maybe not everything in our personal lives should be shared online via social networks. A photo is only a save or screen grab away from circumventing every privacy setting available. Updating your status whether it is “protected” or not should still be viewed as posting information to a public forum. My personal best practice is to keep an open online social network, but treat my shared information with others as a PR campaign for myself. Simply, updates for me need to pass three tests:
1. Would mom care?
2. Would my boss care?
3. Is this a good representation of how I want people to view me?
I feel that the concept of “self-editing” is all to often overlooked as we bring more of our personal lives online.
jeremiah — you are making the relationship issue way too complex. The answer is that you ignore the request and you email your manager in a very professional way:
“Thank you for being interested in friend-ing me on Facebook. I would like to get to know you better before I do. I also try to keep the professional life separate from my work life. Thank you for undrstanding this.”
Work is all about managing awkward situations. If you can’t manage your manager in this situation – then you can’t manage the situation when your manager is wrong and you have to correct her.
Learn to deal.
argh ..”the professional life separate from my work life. Thank you for undrstanding this. –> “my personal life separate from my work life. Thank you for understanding this.
knock, knock, knock..
..
um who is it?
..
ah just one second I just need to tidy up ….
Good advice, think it's time I setup some groupings.
whoooohoooo
Wow thank you! Yours was THE first helpful article. Most of them just talk about the social and work repercussions, but this actually offered me a solution. I had been just ignoring the request and I could tell it my boss has been a little short and distant with me. Not to mention OTHER co-workers added him willingly which made me look like I was rejecting him. I adjusted my privacy setting so he only has limited access to my pictures and private info. Now I've just got to make sure I watch my P's and Q's on my wall, but otherwise embarrassing-for-your-boss-to-see-stuff is blocked!
I REALLY DON”T THINK BOSSES should put employees in this position. If you hang out with a co-worker enough, mention you're on facebook too. Chances are if they want to, they'll find you. Even if they don't, THEY might still like you as a person but wish to respect rank and guidelines and keep work and private life separate.
whoooohoooo
Wow thank you! Yours was THE first helpful article. Most of them just talk about the social and work repercussions, but this actually offered me a solution. I had been just ignoring the request and I could tell it my boss has been a little short and distant with me. Not to mention OTHER co-workers added him willingly which made me look like I was rejecting him. I adjusted my privacy setting so he only has limited access to my pictures and private info. Now I've just got to make sure I watch my P's and Q's on my wall, but otherwise embarrassing-for-your-boss-to-see-stuff is blocked!
I REALLY DON”T THINK BOSSES should put employees in this position. If you hang out with a co-worker enough, mention you're on facebook too. Chances are if they want to, they'll find you. Even if they don't, THEY might still like you as a person but wish to respect rank and guidelines and keep work and private life separate.
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Jeremiah:
this comes down to personality and culture, I think. I don’t see a problem in telling your boss FB is only for close friends and family if that is the case or a person wants to keep their private sphere.
If the boss does not realize that the realtionship is either not close or that the employee simply wants to keep some boundaries – and as a consequence the relationship sours, I say: “Go find a better boss/job.” Honesty should always be the preferred modus operandi (truth can be communicated in kind fashion).
It seems odd to me to create a sub-group for somebody who you make a “friend” when they really are not to satisfy their ego. Just does not sound right to me with a boss.
Best,
Natascha
As a boss of several Gen Y’ers, I respect their privacy. Facebook isn’t for work, people.
There is a saying, “a bitching sailor is a happy sailor.” Meaning, people need to vent. If something really bugs them, they know to come to me directly. I could give a rat’s asss if they complain about me (i.e. their boss) on Facobook. Though, I suspect most Gen Y’ers are smarter than you think when it comes to social media and what they may or may not say at 2 a.m. (fyi…you can delete a post the very next day in your hungover haze)